I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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