I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
