I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
