I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
