Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
