here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
