I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
