careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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