just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Of course I have a pirate flag
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
