It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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