HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
