I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
