I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
