I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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