Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
