It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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