At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
