Sponge bath it is.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk is not a location!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
