You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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