Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
