I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
