Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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