actually, I'm a sock model
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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