i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
