Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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