I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
