Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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