hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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