you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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