Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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