hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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