I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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