it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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