This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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