Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
