The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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