the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
