She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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