I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
