i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
