Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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