I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
