The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
