Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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