We got so high we made milksteak
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
