let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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