You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
