I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
