u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
