I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize