I smell stomach acid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
