Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
