she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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