Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
