I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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