Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
