You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
