how can u be prego again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize