Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
