Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
