You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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