pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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