It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
