I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
