This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
