We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
tonight lets celebrate not being married
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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