It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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