Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
