Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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