Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
