im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
