I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
