i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
