did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
